Comfort for the Comfortless
by The Secret SOLDIER
Summary: The burden of Cloud's guilt is crushing not only himself, but Tifa as well. One night, she can't take it any more and confronts him about it. But the way she comforts him takes a somewhat unexpected turn... Cloud/Tifa lemon.


**Comfort for the Comfortless**

_by The Secret SOLDIER_

Tifa lay on her bed, exhausted from a long night working the bar, yet unable to sleep. She lay there with her door propped slightly open, listening to the slow, monotonous ticking of the giant clock across the hall. Marlene shifted in her sleep, her bed creaking; Denzel moaned once and then was quiet. But Cloud... his room was silent. She didn't need to get up and look to know that he wasn't home yet. It was seldom that he got home before midnight, sometimes much later. She would wake in the morning to find him passed out, sprawled across his bed without having even changed clothes, or slumped at the bar from where he was too tired to even attempt the stairs.

Her heart ached for him, even though she knew why he drove himself to the point of extreme exhaustion. It was the same reason she had nearly killed herself on the hunt after Sephiroth - she hadn't wanted to have to think, to remember the death of her father and of her town. And Cloud had so much more to forget...

She wondered why he didn't take the easy route and drink; liquor kept away all sorrows. But he couldn't take that relief, even for a night; he felt too great a responsibility toward her, toward his entire adopted family, to let himself go that much. There was no relief for him.

Tifa closed her eyes, the pressure of her eyelids enough to force two crystal tears down her cheeks and rolling into the pillow. She had learned to let go and accept what had happened. Cloud, however - he seemed to live in the past, aching over what he had done and tormented about what he could have done and hadn't.

The clock struck twelve, but after the last dull chime had died away, there was still a heavy noise - on the stairs. Tifa tensed for a moment, her mind flashing to the possibility of an intruder, but then she recognized the soft, steady tread and sighed aloud. Cloud was home. She considered getting up and going out to meet him in the hall, for if he went on to bed, she probably wouldn't get to talk to him at all, as tomorrow he would leave again before she was even much awake. But something about his footsteps made her lie there quietly and listen, trying to understand. His steps were wavering, faltering. It sounded as if he was weaving back and forth from one side of the hall to the other, stumbling as he went. Her impression was further solidified as he passed her door, brushing one hand along the wall for support. Her door swung slightly farther open and he regained his balance and passed by without looking in or making a sound.

She listened until he had gone into his sparse room and shut the door; only then did she breathe a deep, sobbing, silent breath. In one motion, she sat up and swung to her feet, the floorboards creaking underfoot. She froze, listening for a sign that anyone had heard her, either the children or Cloud with his inhumanly good hearing. Nothing.

Unsure of exactly what she was doing, she pulled on a short robe over her sleepwear - only a pair of loose shorts and a sleeveless camisole - and tiptoed into the hall. A dim light shone out from under Cloud's door, further reinforcing her instincts that he was not asleep. She had heard him staggering upstairs enough times when he was dead tired to know what that sounded like, and this had been different. It had sounded more like he had had trouble seeing.

She slipped quietly up to the door and raised her hand to knock, but hesitated. Usually he said something before she got this close, but now it seemed he was unaware of her presence...or unwilling, she thought sadly. Eavesdropping rested ill with her, but she couldn't help trying to listen through the door, trying to gain some insight into Cloud's strange behavior. No, not _strange_, she corrected herself. _Pained_. She hated seeing him like this, unable to let go, while she herself was mostly at peace with her memories. Maybe having his head messed up so many times caused this.

Taking a cautious breath, bracing herself to face his stony stare, she pushed the door open slowly and oh-so-quietly. She bit her lip to keep the tears back at what she saw.

He was sitting on his bed, half-turned away from the door. His shoulders were slumped, his head bowed, and, worst of all, there were wet trails down his face. Tear tracks. He seemed oblivious to her presence, so wrapped up in his own misery that he was incapable of noticing anything outside of himself. She didn't want to break the silence and let him know she was there - if she did, he would draw back into himself, close up his shell, let the stolid mask cover his face... She knew how much relief tears could bring, and how much pressure being unable to release emotions caused. She wanted to let him lay aside as much of his burden as he could, while he could.

Beginning a slow, quiet retreat out the door, Tifa halted again as Cloud moved. With his eyes still shut, he gasped for breath and covered his face with his gloved hands. She noticed with a tiny shock that he had the back of one hand pressed against his teeth, biting down hard to silence himself. His other hand covered his eyes, tears trickling between leather-clad fingers and running down the back of his hand.

Her own fears and inhibitions forgotten in the face of such raw misery, Tifa overcame all hesitation and swiftly moved to his side, sitting next to him on the hard bed. One arm she laid across his shoulders and with the other hand she touched his hand, laying her own flat against his over his eyes.

At her first touch he went completely rigid, sucking in a sharp breath. He didn't move any more, at least at first, causing her to almost regret coming to him. Almost, but not quite. She didn't have it in her to stand by and watch him suffer. He could be as mad at her as he liked; she could bear his silent anger easier than she could bear his silent pain. She pulled him closer to her, leaning his head against hers, both arms now about his strong shoulders. Surprisingly, he didn't offer any resistance, although he didn't move his hands from his face.

They sat like that for many long minutes until Cloud finally moved, drawing his hands away and clasping them in his lap. Tifa's chest ached, knowing how miserable and lonely he must be to allow her to get this close to him. Had he wanted this long before and she hadn't been able to read the signs? Her own tears threatened to flow as she hugged him tighter, rocking her body back and forth in a soothing motion.

At last he moved, his joints creaking audibly as he lifted his head and looked her in the face. Tifa gazed back, soft ruby eyes staring into glowing blue ones. His eyes were almost blank, just wells of pain, yet they contained more emotion than his face ever showed.

"Tifa," he said softly, a thanks for her presence and her attempted comfort. He looked down again, and she nearly shook him as she saw him starting to withdraw into his shell again. He'd come this far out; she wasn't about to lose him again. Who knew when they might have more time together?

"Cloud," she said, cupping his face in her hand, forcing him to turn and face her. With him looking at her, though, all words deserted her; she could think of no words of comfort that wouldn't sound trite, no words of sympathy that wouldn't sound like pity, nothing. She sat there, holding his face, staring into the blue abysses of his eyes, with her mouth half open, stuttering partially-formed words as her eyes began filling with helpless tears.

He saw her expression changing, saw her brimming eyes, and for the first time realized that he was the cause of it. For so long he had thought that he was not worth saving that he believed himself, believed that no one could ever care for him after all that he had done. Now he saw that, regardless of his own feelings towards himself, there were others who cared for him very much. Thus it was not for himself - he deserved nothing for his failed life and actions - but for her, who cared for him so much that she was blinded to his shortcomings, that he did what he did next.

Moving his own hands to caress either side of her face, he pulled her closer to him, and before her startled mind could make sense of what was happening, he had kissed her on the mouth. She gasped slightly as he drew away, leaving her with only the faintest sweet taste of him on her lips.

"Tifa," he murmured again, eyes tracing her face, "thank you. For everything." He sighed and gathered himself to stand up, but she felt his muscles tensing and pulled him down before he could really move.

"I love you," she whispered, twining her arms about his neck, her face taking on an expression of bittersweetness.

"I know. That's why I can't let you any closer to me. I'll only end up hurting you. I -" he faltered, not wanting to admit to feeling pain but not knowing any other way to make his point, "- I hurt myself, I can't forgive myself, and if you are too close to me, you'll feel that hurt, too. I don't want that. I don't want anyone else to ever be hurt again by what I do."

"Cloud." Tifa's voice had a mothering tone to it, as if she was speaking to an erring child. "Any burden you have, I would like to share. Maybe eventually we can find a way to lift it entirely, but until then, let's at least face it together. Please."

Her face was hovering closer to his. He couldn't say no to that pleading expression, to that pain that lurked under her words. _This is only for her desire_, he told himself, but nonetheless he felt a twinge of pleasure deep within himself as he leaned forward once again to kiss her.

This time it lasted longer, their lips moving against one another until Tifa, with a gasp, opened her mouth to envelop his completely. For a split second, Cloud was utterly lost as to what to do next. The last time he had kissed anyone it had been her, and he had been only fourteen, under the stars in Nibelheim. Obviously, she had more experience than him now. Anger flared briefly at how she could have come to have that experience, but the feeling of her pressing willingly against him took his mind off all else.

Her lips were moving against his, coaxing, pleading, begging for more. Still a bit unsure of what was expected of him, he responded in kind, opening his mouth and leaning into hers. He suddenly found his hands around her waist, pulling her hips closer to him; she was leaning forward eagerly into his touch, not fighting back at all. He couldn't control a slight jump when the tip of her tongue gently touched his lips and slipped inside his mouth, cautiously exploring. Tifa didn't get much beyond his front teeth, though, as Cloud finally understood the game and pressed his own tongue back against hers, forcing his way into her mouth. She put up a token resistance at first, but as he began to relent, she quickly let him know it was all right by opening her lips wider and pressing her mouth more firmly against his. Then his tongue was inside her mouth, gingerly exploring her teeth, her tongue, her _taste_.

Her arms were around his torso, her hips almost in his lap, and as he breathed in the sweet scent of her and tasted her like wine on his tongue, he realized that this was what he had always dreamed of. He was actually kissing Tifa, _Tifa_, the love of his life, whom he had gone through so much pain for. And she was kissing him back. Much as he knew he didn't deserve this, he thanked the angels above for sending one of their own to comfort him and for him to adore.

Tifa, too, felt her heart overflowing with joy that Cloud had actually opened up to her and was letting her do what she had desired for so long. She prayed fervently to the goddess to let this change in him last, at least for tonight, hopefully for much longer. If only he could see that it felt so much better to have his emotions open, and to be able to accept comfort from another, rather than locking his heart away and letting his anger and sorrow and pain fester there in the dark and eat away at his soul.

At the thought, she pushed into him harder, almost leaning him over backwards onto the hard mattress. Gaia only knew when she would get another chance at this, and although she would never take advantage of him, now seemed a better time than most to show him how she felt. Applying more pressure, she did manage to force him to his back; of course, it helped that he didn't protest. Instead, he rather seemed to be enjoying it, from his expression - it wasn't particularly happy, but then, when did he ever look happy? At the very least, it was considerably less sad, the pained lines around his eyes and mouth having relaxed, leaving him with a more pleasant expression - like a child, unsure and confused, yet eager to please. There was also uncertainty in his face, an unspoken question asking if he was doing this right.

She rolled on top of him, sitting lightly on his chest, her lips never having broken from the kiss, control of which now alternated between the two of them. His hands came up from their grip on her waist and slipped inside her robe; long fingers worked at the knot of the belt, and the thin garment slid easily off her shoulders. Next he moved to the lower hem of her camisole, rolling it up until her midriff was bared. He hesitated, his fingers ceasing their gentle work, and he broke off the kiss, breathing deeply. Tifa placed her hands on his shoulders, pushing herself up to get a better view of his face. His eyes were positively glowing, and she would swear that there was the ghost of a smile on his lips. There were also tears in his eyes.

"Tifa," he said softly, huskily. It was the third time he had said her name that night, yet the magic in the way he said it was undiminished. "Is...is this what you want?"

She smiled - Cloud, always thinking of his friends first, never of himself. But then she paused as his words really sunk in. _Was_ this what she wanted? He stared up at her, not pressuring her, just waiting. Waiting for her answer. She had to look away from those piercing blue eyes to think clearly. She knew what Cloud wanted - or at least, what his body wanted; she could feel him beneath her. Despite Cloud's fears as to how she had learned to kiss so well, she had never slept with anyone. Had she kept herself chaste this long to lose it on one night's impetuousness?

Yes. This was _Cloud_. Opening up to her. She loved him. They'd both been through enough to know that nights like this one never lasted. Seize the moment. She loved him.

She didn't realize that she had closed her eyes to think; as she looked back up at him, she saw that he, too, had looked away, azure eyes half-lidded and looking anywhere but at her. His face had resumed its usual troubled expression.

"I love you." Tifa had not intended to say it out loud, but there it was anyway. She blushed as that glowing gaze directed itself at her face. "Yes," she added in a whisper. "This is what I want."

"Likewise," Cloud answered, wrapping his arms once more about her waist. Before she knew it, he had flipped her over, rolling smoothly on top and supporting himself on his elbows just above her chest. She grabbed his shoulders, then shifted her grip to his neck and the back of his head, pulling him closer for another kiss.

As she took control of the kiss, heedlessly pushing her tongue into his mouth, trying desperately to get more of his taste that she so craved, he lowered his hips against hers, pressing against her. He moaned slightly as she pressed back, rocking her hips upward; he pulled his mouth away from hers as he turned his head aside, gasping for breath as sweat began to trickle from his hairline.

"This is what I want," Tifa said, herself slightly breathless. "Go all the way. We've been waiting long enough."

Cloud looked back at her, a hint of a smile in his eyes. "I'll hold you to that," he murmured in her ear. Next instant, she was the one gasping as his strong fingers hooked around the straps of her camisole and tugged them down her shoulders. She quickly slipped her arms out of the garment, which was tossed off the bed, out of the way; her whole body blushed and she felt her face go hot as she remembered too late that she had worn nothing under the flimsy camisole. Cloud seemed not to notice her shyness as he kissed her passionately, his hands slipping down her sides to the waistline of her shorts.

Gaining control of her senses for a moment, Tifa reached behind Cloud and jerked loose the straps holding his single sleeve and shoulder pauldron, letting those items, too, fall to the side.

_This is it. Now or never,_ she thought, easing her hips up as Cloud tugged downward on her shorts. The slow, gentle motion became rougher and more hurried until at last she all but kicked her way free of the cloth and pulled Cloud against her body. _Into_ her. She could feel her anticipation rising until it threatened to drown out his taste in her mouth. How long had she waited for this feeling!

Her trembling fingers would not follow her commands as she struggled futilely with the stiff buckle of his belt; he helped her unbuckle it and then kicked like a swimmer to rid himself of his boots and pants. The shirt was only a moment's work after that.

Tifa gasped and almost shrank back into the hard mattress at the touch of his burning skin all over her body. Sensing her sudden hesitation, Cloud forced himself to back off slightly, pulling himself to hands and knees above her. His troubled eyes asked the question, _What's wrong?_ Tifa couldn't answer. She was too close to losing control.

Her hands suddenly reached out and gripped his wrists, causing him to lose his balance and nearly fall on her; he caught himself on one elbow to save her from his whole weight, but his body covered hers. He could feel her shaking under him. Torn between the aching need growing within him and the fear of hurting Tifa, Cloud was about to get off her entirely. She had said that she was ready, but she wasn't; not tonight. Best not to press too far.

He was shocked into euphoric oblivion by an unexpected kiss from Tifa - but this time she went farther than his mouth. She sensed the hesitation in him, and knew it stemmed from her own ignorance and confusion, and decided that, even if she didn't know exactly what to do, surely he did. All he needed was the proper encouragement. And so, prompted by instincts, Tifa moved up to the next level as the heat inside her built to fever pitch, burning away any lingering inhibitions - and conscious thought.

Cloud couldn't help leaning more weight onto her as his arms began trembling - Tifa had started by kissing his face, his eyes, and had abruptly moved to his throat. Chills ran through him as her teeth carefully caressed the tender skin. A sense of danger - who wouldn't tremble at teeth at their throat? - and a nearly unbearable pleasure mixed to create an intoxicating combination that he had no resistance to. He wove his hands into her dark hair, murmuring incoherent sounds as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. Gaia, she smelled wonderful - like sunshine on snow, like the open sky. His moans vibrated deep in his throat; Tifa felt the shivers running through the flesh under her lips and something primal deep within her prompted her to take a small nip of him.

He cried out quietly, although not in pain, and pressed his own mouth to the junction between her neck and shoulder. Continuing to mouth him, occasionally biting lightly to hear him moan, Tifa let her hands wander far from the usual places she was allowed to touch him, his hands and face. Her hands, soft and light, slipped down his back, from shoulder-blades to waist, and back up, loving the feel of his skin beneath her touch. They slid around his sides, to his chest pressed against hers, and gloried in the rippling of muscles they felt there, the firm flesh and heated skin. Then they moved lower, much lower than Tifa would have ever dared to touch him if she had been fully lucid. Hot skin gave way to positively burning skin and as her fingers unintentionally brushed against him, he whimpered, muffling the sound in her shoulder - though she felt a single drop trickle down her shoulder.

It was hard to tell now who was quivering more violently; they each felt that they were too inexperienced, and each was waiting for the other to make the first move, so the pressure just kept building to unbearable levels and no one moved to relieve it.

Cloud finally gave in to the raging fire running through him, and bit down on the crook of Tifa's neck, leaving a mark. She moaned above him, the noise somewhere between a howl and a breathless sound of ecstasy.

Realizing that Tifa was not going to make the next move, and that she was dying for him to do something, Cloud shifted his position slightly on top of her, lining up their hips. Intentionally or not, she twisted under him, bucking her hips against his, bringing a haze of white fire across his vision. He couldn't take much more of this!

As he felt himself teetering on the very edge of completely losing control, he panicked for a moment, afraid of what he might do unintentionally, unthinking, with his mako-enhanced strength - and his ignorance. Then he raised his eyes to Tifa's face, where he saw the same glazed, euphoric expression he was sure was spread across his own features, and he knew that, whatever happened, it would be all right with her. Letting go of all the fears and self-doubts and self-consciousness, for once Cloud thought solely of the moment and gave himself over to his instincts and the fire burning in his belly.

He lowered his body against her, still supporting most of his weight on his elbows, and slowly pressed against her, easing himself into her. Tifa was gripping the sides of the bed tightly as if in anguish, her teeth biting deeply into her lower lip; Cloud realised suddenly that, despite her desirable body, and her line of work, and the years they'd been apart, and everything else in the world, she was still untouched, still bearing the flower of youth. She reached out, locking her hands about his waist, and pulled him to her quickly. Their hips slid together and Cloud could feel nothing but a sudden swirling pleasure that even drowned out Tifa's outcry of pain, which she tried to keep quiet to no avail.

He pressed against her harder, deeper, lost in her grip that was tight almost to the point of pain. She buried her face against his chest, trying not to sob aloud at the fire that radiated upward through her, her hands clutching at his shoulders, fingernails digging in. Although it required a great strength of will, he held himself steady, not moving as his hands slowly caressed up and down her arms, then her sides, waiting for the violent trembling to stop. He cursed himself for causing her such pain - and for enjoying every moment of it.

Tifa's breath hitched, exhaling warm against his bare skin, sending a tingling all through him. Her grip on his arms loosened, fingers smoothing over the deep impressions left by nails. She tilted her head back, kissing him on the throat. "It's okay. I'm okay now." Sliding her hands down his body, she rested her hands on his hips. She breathed deeply, then guided him back, pushing gently, showing him what to do.

No longer unsure, Cloud rocked his whole body backwards, giving Tifa just enough time to catch her breath before he lurched forward again, his movement lacking anything of his usual grace and agility, but nevertheless bringing overwhelming waves of pleasure to the both of them. The third time he thrust into her, Tifa rose up to meet him, their hips slamming together. This time it was Cloud trying in vain to silence his cries and moans as they rocked back and forth, carelessly, sloppily, frantically, passionately.

Cloud felt the pressure within him building, felt his senses leaving him utterly. Yet he still felt everything, every faintest touch, every whisper of breath, every movement of her spasming muscles; he heard every time she moaned his name, or tried to moan and failed; he saw every flutter of her eyelids, every twitch of her fingers, every emotion that raced across her face. For once, he blessed the mako within him.

She was not unaware, either, of his gaze focussed solely on her; every time she found enough breath and opened her eyes, he was staring at her face as if it was the only sight in existence and there was nothing else in all the universe but the two of them.

Cloud's body buckled, only his hands braced near her shoulders keeping him up, and his hips began to move faster almost by themselves, setting a violently fast pace that had Tifa breathless and gasping, her legs locked around his waist. Without warning, she suddenly screamed aloud, calling his name, her body arching up into his and her head pressing hard into the pillow. Every muscles in her body tensed to the point of breaking and then released, letting her fall limply onto the bed, her legs slipping from his hips.

But Cloud wasn't done - he grabbed her hips, roughly, uncaring, unaware of what he was doing, and pulled her back up to him, tilting her hips as he slammed one final time into her with all his strength. She jerked again, every muscle spasming, and breathlessly whispered his name, but he couldn't hear as there was a roaring in his ears and he was blinded by white, and a feeling he didn't have a name for shot through his body, tightening until he screamed and then just as quickly vanishing, leaving him holding Tifa to him like he couldn't let go, with tears running freely down his face.

Tifa clung to him, no longer trembling, instead with every nerve, every muscle taut and aching for contact. He was glad to oblige, wrapping his arms around her body as he rolled beside her on the narrow bed. She lay with her back pressed against his chest, her arms crossed in front of her, Cloud's arms braced across her chest, imprisoning her and pulling her back into him. He rested his forehead against her neck, breathing in her scent with his eyes closed. They were touching all the way from their heads to their legs, and neither would have it any other way.

Cloud murmured something inaudible, his lips brushing against the back of Tifa's neck, causing her to push farther against him.

"I love you, too," she whispered back, closing her eyes.

Cloud sighed and she could have sworn that she felt his mouth curve in a faint smile. They remained in silence for several minutes, breathing slowly and in tandem, not moving. Then Tifa stirred again, turning her head and presenting her cheek to his lips. He couldn't resist the temptation and gently kissed her.

She sighed against him, deep in her throat, and her eyes fluttered closed. "Stay like this," she murmured, and Cloud pulled back an inch, staring at her. Her eyes opened again and she looked at him over her shoulder. "Forever."

He quirked his head slightly, letting her know he didn't understand. She shifted, pulling away from him, only to roll onto her other side so she could face him, their eyes not six inches apart.

"Let yourself out every once in a while." She felt like she was lecturing a child, but she didn't know any other way to put it. "Let other people in to help you."

"As long as it's just you, I think I could manage that," he replied, mouth smiling but that troubled look returning to his eyes.

"I know...I know it's hard to let go. But sometimes by admitting defeat, we become stronger. Don't hide your emotions because you think they're a weakness; acknowledge them, and they'll give you strength to carry on." She stopped. She was not going to tell him how to live his life. She was not going to try and convert him to her way of thinking, not after he'd just made himself vulnerable to her. The last thing she wanted was to shatter the fragile thread of trust that was forming between them, a thread ten years in the making. But how else could she make him understand that he couldn't live in his shell of misery? That she couldn't take much more of this emotional stress...and he couldn't either.

Cloud rolled heavily onto his back, arm still about her waist but eyes on the ceiling. "I can't leave everything behind. I can't leave _anything_ behind. I wish I could forget, forgive, move on, but I...have a legacy to carry. I couldn't forget that, even if I wanted to. Maybe you find strength from your emotions, but I - I find strength from my memories."

"I'm not asking you to forget," Tifa softly corrected him. "I just think you ought to open yourself up a little more. I know it's asking a lot; I know it's dangerous - but do you really think I, or any of our friends, would do anything to hurt you? I just...just wanted you to know that if you ever need a shoulder to - if you ever need a shoulder, I'm here. Please come to me. If you don't want to cause me pain. Because it cuts me every time you brood in here by yourself, as if you don't trust me enough to come talk to."

She stopped, out of breath and mentally kicking herself for saying so much. What had that been about not breaking his new trust? She glanced up at him, afraid to see his face a mask again, but was pleasantly startled to find him smiling down at her. Yes, actually smiling, an expression of happiness and love that lacked any of the other emotions that usually clouded his features.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, ducking down to kiss her forehead. "Next time, I'll come right to you. Besides" - here his smile slipped sideways, becoming more of a sly grin - "I'm sure your bed is much more comfortable than mine."

The End.

**A/N: So... I've written a lot of stories before, but this is my first-ever lemon. Lemme know what you think - did I drag it out too long or not long enough, too much detail or too little, was it an entertaining story...?**

**Review and I'll do my best to review one of your stories!**

**Hope you enjoyed!**


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